Month: April 2023

Old Central School – Art Residency- March 2023

March 2023

I am an Artist

This is a complicated statement to make.  It’s been three months since I started this residency and the feeling that someone else might have been better suited to be here lingers in the back of my mind. Perhaps someone younger or with more talent. 

It could be the lack of formal training that caused my hesitancy to make such a declaration.  It turns out that this problem is rather universal.  I met wonderfully talented, trained, and successful artists in March and found that most share the same sentiment.  They expressed feelings of not quite being full-fledged artists early in their careers.   The gauge was different for most.  For some, it is when they sell a piece, when featured in a magazine, or have their first exhibit.  It was interesting to hear their perspectives on the matter and I concluded that we must decide this for ourselves.  It’s not something external.  I think Robert Henri says it best.  “ The object isn’t to make art, it’s to be in that wonderful state which makes art inevitable.” 

By those standards, I am an Artist.  <deep breath>

Grants and other risky business

I submitted an application for a Grant through the ARROWHEAD REGIONAL ARTS COUNCIL.  It’s part of my “be BOLD” plan.  Well, after much overthinking and worry and doubt. I got the news- I was a recipient of their award! 

I felt my knees get weak and the heat from my body seemed to raise to my head and leave my toes cold. It was the oddest sensation! Then the panic set in. What in the world did I just do?  It was such a shot in the dark that I never really imagined the enormous responsibility.  I had a bold vision and I laid my heart bare in the request. I was dreaming big and likely high on adrenaline and caffeine when I was writing the grant proposal. Now, the time has come to make good on the project.

My First Artist Talk

The Topic is Earth, Water, and Life…seems vague right? The idea came about because I wanted to incorporate Clay, Watercolor, and Fiber arts as part of the Proposal.  I have been working through a difficult situation in my life through clay and art. I have made little figures out of clay just to feel that I could control a part of the situation. The clay is hard and I add a little water to work out the details and get the figure to come to life as it is pulled and twisted and rolled.  I even beat it sometimes with a wooden paddle. 

Wet felting requires the same kind of effort. I have felt the soreness of my arms after felting a large piece. The process is simple, but not always easy.  The fiber is wet with soapy warm water and the fiber is rolled and beat until it finally becomes something recognizable- Art! 

I made the connection that the only thing that makes these works come alive is the agitation mixed with water. That is all I can share here, but the projects will be displayed and the talk is in outline form with revisions being made until the moment I present it. 

Save the Date

For my friends who cannot join in person, I will do the unthinkable and record my talk to be uploaded and shared here. Another “Be BOLD” initiative!

Artist Talk

Earth, Water, and Life

I am hosting an art talk relating to my practice in Clay, Fiber, and Watercolor art. This project is part of a grant from the Arrowhead Regional Arts Council in Northern MN.

I will be exploring the results of agitation and water to create works of art and how the same art can be therapeutic while being reshaped by life’s agitations.

You are invited to attend and participate.

****This activity is made possible in part by the voters of Minnesota through a grant from the Arrowhead Regional Arts Council, thanks to appropriations from the Minnesota State Legislature’s general and arts and cultural heritage funds.**

Beginning with the End

I completed my residency in June 2023. The experience was cathartic and was a turning point for me professionally. I had personal struggles including estrangement from a child. The loss of a child, by their choice, is a crushing blow. I had to face my failures as a mother and come to terms with what was left of me absent from that role.

Choosing to be anything else was like searching through the darkest room with sharp obstacles at every step. I spent much of my time in the Attic working on the mediums I find most rewarding to work with. I found that the components of my art coincided with the stage of my life I was grappling with.

Taking form

The most significant thing I learned was that I had no choice but to feel my way through the darkness. It wasn’t going away on its own. I had no choice. As I worked with the Clay, I added water and pounded it, wedging it between my hands against the hard surface of my workspace. I manipulated what amounts to a bit of earth and water into a sculpture that told the story of how I felt. I cried and my tears added to the moisture of the earth in my hands.

The same formula held true for the fiber that I used in my studio. In an effort to make something beautiful from woolen scraps, I had to add water and pound the fiber until a felt sculpture emerged.

Lastly, came the realization that the watercolor paintings also required the agitation of the pigment blended in water to complete the process of painting an image.

The Agitation was Key

In the darkness, I found the answer to my becoming. I found the value in the agitation and the pain that life brings occasionally. Just like the pain of childbirth, we endure it to find the beauty of a new creation. In my case, I gave birth to a new version of myself. I welcome the process and am less afraid of the pain and agitation that leads to form. I see it for what it is. I necessary step in the process of living this life. It changed my perspective completely.

Water Breaks

I named this sculpture Water Breaks. Originally, the name indicated the break in my relationship with a child. The sadness of the loss. Then I imagined the joy I’d want my child to experience. I was relieved that I had raised a child who had the wherewithal to choose herself and her happiness, above all. I had not been a good example of that kind of personal strength. The darkness was lifting as I observed more closely. It was not my child that was playing in the stream of my tears. It was me. I had found the joy in my work and I was exploring a part of me I had not known and never allowed into the light.