Author: Eleanortillmans

The Myth of Ceres and Persephone

SEPTEMBER- Autumn Equinox 

Also known as the Greek goddess Demeter, Ceres was the Goddess of the harvest and was credited with teaching humans how to grow, preserve, and prepare grain and corn. She was thought to be responsible for the fertility of the land.

One autumn day her daughter, Persephone, walked with friends among the bountiful fields.

When they reached a field of flowers, Persephone called to them.

“Come here quick and we can gather all the wildflowers we want. ”

They filled their baskets with herbs and clover each selecting among the variety of crocuses and lilies. 

Persephone wandered away from her companions and it was then that  Dis, Lord Hades of the Underworld abducted her. 

There was no place on earth that Ceres did not look for her daughter Persephone. 

Ceres wore a crown of grain on her head and wore white for “twice three months”. The time that Persephone would remain dormant in the underground. 

With the promise that her daughter would return again, she waited.

Persephone represents the seeds that fall in the Fall and the white worn by Ceres is the snow that will cover the ground until Persephone returns in the Spring. 

Separation and Loss Followed by Joy and Belief

Mourning/Searching, Joy, and Belief are the three phases of September. 

I find myself fully immersed in the Joy Phase as my mourning and searching have led me directly to my path of unbounded Joy. Relationships that were strained and dormant have reemerged as the fruitful seeds of hope.

I enter the final stage of this Equinox with the BELIEF in the powerful relationship and bond between a Mother and her Daughter. I celebrate us and you in this season and as we rest to rediscover ourselves again, I remain eager to see what we become when we bloom again in the Spring.

Celebrate the Equinox

Make an oak leaf crown or create a special table topper with two items that represent the mother and daughter relationship. You can also start a gratitude journal and include intentions (seeds) that you can focus on while the snow covers the ground and see how they develop after months of your belief.

Don’t forget to sip on a warm honey tea as you acknowledge the end of a season and prepare for rest.

To see what my Equinox table scape will look like, visit my Patreon channel.

Summer Days

Make me feel fine…ish.

I am working on completing preparation for the Annual Downtown Art Fair in Grand Rapids, MN.

Like most things I do, it’s been a whirlwind of crazed activity following weeks of procrastination.

The watercolor is still wet and I’m hustling to learn how to make my own frames with a skill saw that my father gave me after a visit to see him in Texas last month.

I also just learned that he and all of my sisters will be visiting our farm at the end of July so Jim and I have been frantically preparing for their arrival. Hint: if you want stuff done around the house, ask your family to come over!

We added steps to the lake, a fresh new cedar deck and will be building a ramp to help him get in and out of our house safely. You may be wondering why I’m sharing this here…

The answer is simple, I am preparing my speech as to why my work is not cohesive or why the collection is rather limited. The thing about in person shows is you have a ton of time to interact with the community and it’s more than your art that is on full display.

I will be showcasing my complete ADHD repertoire. The results can be a brilliant display of mostly half finished ideas started when I was sure that the months ahead would be orderly and controlled. I was going to get it together for this show. I didn’t.

At any rate, I will be there and I invite you to come hear about all the things I was gonna do.

https://macrostieartcenter.org/artfair

The Watercolor Painting that kept me sane

This winter scene was one of my first attempts at winter landscapes in watercolor. We visited a beautiful farm in Northern MN during the pandemic in 2020. Our hope to relocate was solidified when we saw this beautiful scene. I captured it on my iPhone and returned to Texas. I longed to be in this place and the only way I could return, at that time, was in my imagination.

It is so beautiful a view and I never tire of it. While we didn’t buy that farm we did find a place that has a similar tree line visible from our living room.

It’s hard to see the poor quality of the artwork from my new vantage point and not cringe a little, but I can’t completely dismiss the importance that it holds for me. It kept me looking forward and excited for change when the whole world was locked down and longing for anything different.

Mural Commission

My collaboration with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (Grand Rapids, MN) and Grand Itasca Hospital brings a fresh look to an emergency intake room.

My First Public Work Commission:

NAMI Mural at the Grand Itasca Emergency Room 

Mid-September is as close to perfect as I can imagine.  The trees are a stunning array of colors; striking burgundy, yellows, and ruby reds.  The breeze bristles the leaves and if I close my eyes it sounds like a waterfall just outside of my window.  Time seems to slow down and I can sit and deeply appreciate the wonderful place that I get to call home. 

In addition to the spectacular lake view and autumn breeze, I am deeply grateful to have been entrusted by NAMI and the Grand Itasca Hospital to create my artistic expression of serenity and healing in one of the emergency intake rooms

After meeting with board members, I found that the care that they take to create an atmosphere of healing and renewal was in line with my artistic vision and ethos. 

The Clinical Setting

During my freshman year of college, I found myself on the inside of a clinical setting. I needed help and I was desperate to find anything that would keep the room from spinning. At the time, anxiety was not something that was discussed openly. I had witnessed a murder at an off-campus event. I was away from home for the first time and I had no support. The memory of the event played over and over in my mind. My grades plummeted. I was put on academic probation and ultimately lost my full scholarship.  This included my dorm room and my work study source of income.

I couldn’t go home a failure. I found a job and tried to power through it alone.  I managed to work and save enough money to re-enroll and eventually found work at a mall. I was better. 

Until, during the busy Christmas season, I heard what I thought was a gunshot. I froze. I forgot where I was and was riddled with the worst ringing in my ears and fear beyond description.  The screaming got louder as the children poured into the store shouting and crying over the balloon that had been popped.  It was just a balloon.  It didn’t matter.  Several of my co-workers looked at me and all I felt was shame. I couldn’t pull myself together. I walked out and never went back. I never collected my belongings and I’m not entirely sure how I got home.  What I do remember was the intake nurse as they took my insurance information.  

Depression. That was the diagnosis.  I sat in a sterile bright room under flicking fluorescent lights while I saw the nurses come around with little dixie cups filled with medication.  I stayed and took my medication and hoped that it would help.  The cold floors and the hospital noises were a reminder of how “sick” I was. 

As a necessity, there are monitors and other medical equipment in a setting like this, of course, but I longed to be well and out of that environment. 

Welcome Home

It’s amazing to know that the girl I was would be writing about the beautiful autumn leaves and the lake view in the pristine Northwoods of Minnesota, but here I sit. 

I imagine that my anxiety might have been eased with a little time in the woods. I wish I could have told my young self that I would overcome many depressions and losses throughout the years and still find joy and peace.  I think that would have been valuable to know. 

It is in this vein that I directed my choices for this Mural.  I will be painting a lovely cabin interior with a crackling fire and cozy hearth.  The view outside of the “window” will be a lake view similar to what I enjoy today.  

I hope that anyone in a situation similar to mine will find the comfort of home while being treated by caring medical professionals and that it will bring peace to others as it has to me. 

P.S. 
For Mari

As a final nod to mental health and awareness, I will add a small canoe with a single person seated peacefully inside.  I lost my oldest and dearest friend to suicide six years ago.  There isn’t a day that I don’t miss her.  I’ve hung a wooden bird from the window of my office that overlooks the lake.  I imagine that she watches me while I play and she is happy for me.  I wish she could have seen the lake for herself. 

Update: As I was painting the mural I got a sense that the red canoe would not work as I had hoped. I was left with an uneasiness about a lone canoe, so I added two white Adirondack chairs on the shore instead.

Old Central School – Art Residency- March 2023

March 2023

I am an Artist

This is a complicated statement to make.  It’s been three months since I started this residency and the feeling that someone else might have been better suited to be here lingers in the back of my mind. Perhaps someone younger or with more talent. 

It could be the lack of formal training that caused my hesitancy to make such a declaration.  It turns out that this problem is rather universal.  I met wonderfully talented, trained, and successful artists in March and found that most share the same sentiment.  They expressed feelings of not quite being full-fledged artists early in their careers.   The gauge was different for most.  For some, it is when they sell a piece, when featured in a magazine, or have their first exhibit.  It was interesting to hear their perspectives on the matter and I concluded that we must decide this for ourselves.  It’s not something external.  I think Robert Henri says it best.  “ The object isn’t to make art, it’s to be in that wonderful state which makes art inevitable.” 

By those standards, I am an Artist.  <deep breath>

Grants and other risky business

I submitted an application for a Grant through the ARROWHEAD REGIONAL ARTS COUNCIL.  It’s part of my “be BOLD” plan.  Well, after much overthinking and worry and doubt. I got the news- I was a recipient of their award! 

I felt my knees get weak and the heat from my body seemed to raise to my head and leave my toes cold. It was the oddest sensation! Then the panic set in. What in the world did I just do?  It was such a shot in the dark that I never really imagined the enormous responsibility.  I had a bold vision and I laid my heart bare in the request. I was dreaming big and likely high on adrenaline and caffeine when I was writing the grant proposal. Now, the time has come to make good on the project.

My First Artist Talk

The Topic is Earth, Water, and Life…seems vague right? The idea came about because I wanted to incorporate Clay, Watercolor, and Fiber arts as part of the Proposal.  I have been working through a difficult situation in my life through clay and art. I have made little figures out of clay just to feel that I could control a part of the situation. The clay is hard and I add a little water to work out the details and get the figure to come to life as it is pulled and twisted and rolled.  I even beat it sometimes with a wooden paddle. 

Wet felting requires the same kind of effort. I have felt the soreness of my arms after felting a large piece. The process is simple, but not always easy.  The fiber is wet with soapy warm water and the fiber is rolled and beat until it finally becomes something recognizable- Art! 

I made the connection that the only thing that makes these works come alive is the agitation mixed with water. That is all I can share here, but the projects will be displayed and the talk is in outline form with revisions being made until the moment I present it. 

Save the Date

For my friends who cannot join in person, I will do the unthinkable and record my talk to be uploaded and shared here. Another “Be BOLD” initiative!

Artist Talk

Earth, Water, and Life

I am hosting an art talk relating to my practice in Clay, Fiber, and Watercolor art. This project is part of a grant from the Arrowhead Regional Arts Council in Northern MN.

I will be exploring the results of agitation and water to create works of art and how the same art can be therapeutic while being reshaped by life’s agitations.

You are invited to attend and participate.

****This activity is made possible in part by the voters of Minnesota through a grant from the Arrowhead Regional Arts Council, thanks to appropriations from the Minnesota State Legislature’s general and arts and cultural heritage funds.**

Beginning with the End

I completed my residency in June 2023. The experience was cathartic and was a turning point for me professionally. I had personal struggles including estrangement from a child. The loss of a child, by their choice, is a crushing blow. I had to face my failures as a mother and come to terms with what was left of me absent from that role.

Choosing to be anything else was like searching through the darkest room with sharp obstacles at every step. I spent much of my time in the Attic working on the mediums I find most rewarding to work with. I found that the components of my art coincided with the stage of my life I was grappling with.

Taking form

The most significant thing I learned was that I had no choice but to feel my way through the darkness. It wasn’t going away on its own. I had no choice. As I worked with the Clay, I added water and pounded it, wedging it between my hands against the hard surface of my workspace. I manipulated what amounts to a bit of earth and water into a sculpture that told the story of how I felt. I cried and my tears added to the moisture of the earth in my hands.

The same formula held true for the fiber that I used in my studio. In an effort to make something beautiful from woolen scraps, I had to add water and pound the fiber until a felt sculpture emerged.

Lastly, came the realization that the watercolor paintings also required the agitation of the pigment blended in water to complete the process of painting an image.

The Agitation was Key

In the darkness, I found the answer to my becoming. I found the value in the agitation and the pain that life brings occasionally. Just like the pain of childbirth, we endure it to find the beauty of a new creation. In my case, I gave birth to a new version of myself. I welcome the process and am less afraid of the pain and agitation that leads to form. I see it for what it is. I necessary step in the process of living this life. It changed my perspective completely.

Water Breaks

I named this sculpture Water Breaks. Originally, the name indicated the break in my relationship with a child. The sadness of the loss. Then I imagined the joy I’d want my child to experience. I was relieved that I had raised a child who had the wherewithal to choose herself and her happiness, above all. I had not been a good example of that kind of personal strength. The darkness was lifting as I observed more closely. It was not my child that was playing in the stream of my tears. It was me. I had found the joy in my work and I was exploring a part of me I had not known and never allowed into the light.